What is a relationship? It is a mutual understanding among two people to relate to each other. You cannot have a relationship without a mutual understanding. The understanding need not always be in spoken words for you can have a relationship with someone merely through the language of eyes.
We build certain relationships on our own accord while some relationships are simply forced upon us. The only way to deal with relationships that are not in tune with your with your heart is to move away from it. Staying in relationships that create negative emotions in you is a punishment and it will lead to suffering. It is best to end it, politely if possible or else by being blatant. Don’t worry about hurting their feelings; don’t worry about injuring someone’s sensitivity. Sensitivity is nothing more than a vulnerability generated by the mind. This might seem harsh, but in the long run you will know that it is for the good. To suffer in a dead relationship or a relationship that makes you feel decapitated and lowers your esteem will not serve your growth.
There are certain relationships that we want to maintain. For example, you might be in love with your wife and want to maintain a loving relationship with her. Any success you have with maintaining any relationship starts with the foundation upon which it has been built. If you build a relationship on the foundation of power, it will be very unstable. If you build a relationship on the foundation of conditional love, it will still be unstable. But if you build a relationship on the foundation of unconditional love, it will remain stable forever no matter what the circumstances. Unconditional love is not a dream but the simplest reality. It grows out of your very being. But to give unconditional love you need to love yourself unconditionally and that is only possible when you overcome the trivialities and conditioning of your mind. Stop living in the realm of mind and unconditional love will be your nature.
Relationships built on power will crash
It is easy to build a relationship on the basis of power. In India, dominant male and submissive female relationships are very prevalent. Most of these Indian marriages are arranged and they don’t stem from mutual agreement but out irrationalities like horoscope matching, caste matching and other silly aspects. In several cases the man is conditioned to treat his wife with dominance. Being harsh to his wife, shouting at her and even beating her up are taken as ways of being dominant. Such relationships exist merely on the plane of power. The man borrows his power from his dominant status, as prescribed by the society, and gets his wife to comply with his wishes. There is no true love possible in such a relationship. There is fear, there is a sense of duty and there is a sense of submissiveness and low self esteem on the part of the girl who is attached to such a relationship, but there is no true love. The moment the man loses his power, as he grows old and impotent, the woman will rebel and in most cases take over the role of a shrew. All the past anger will come welling up and the relationship will get ugly.
No conscious human being will try to build a relationship on the basis of power. To dominate someone is weak and it is stepped in cowardice. If you are insecure from inside you will want to instigate insecurity in another person. Consciousness or self awareness is the only way out of this stupidity. The more conscious you are of your insecurities and fears the better you chances of transcending them. A deeply unconscious person, who is not in touch with his inner self, will always resort to power in a relationship. Suffering that you cause to others will eventually come back to you by the natural law of karma – what goes around comes around.
Conditional love will not last long
To build a relationship on the basis of conditional love is quite common. In fact most of the relationships are built on this basis. The basic premise in a relationship built out of conditional love is – I am with you because you make me happy, you complete me. The only problem is that you are placing a huge responsibility on the other person, the responsibility of fulfilling your happiness and sense of self. No one can stand true to such a big responsibility. How can one person complete another person? Sooner or later it will become evident that this premise is completely absurd, usually the time when this realization occurs is the time for a divorce. No one can complete you, because you are complete in yourself. If you don’t feel this way it is because you are not in touch with your being. No matter how many relationships you get into, none of them will satisfy you long enough if you are seeking a sense of fulfillment from them. There is a lot suffering that you will need to go through unless you realize that nothing outside you can ever satisfy you for long. The only way to reach contentment and joy is to stay rooted in your being; this can be accomplished by burning your ego in the fire of consciousness.
The pure bonding of unconditional love
The purest relationships are built on unconditional love. It is not possible to build such relationships when you are rooted in the level of the conditioned mind. Try as hard as you want but you cannot unconditionally love anyone until you start loving yourself unconditionally. It is not something you do, but something which happens on its own. Never try to love someone unconditionally because you will fail miserably. You will not only bring suffering to yourself but will also scare the other person into thinking that you are some kind of a lunatic. Your mind can never understand unconditional love, so don’t bother attempting it. When you start living naturally, rooted effortlessly in your being, there arises unconditional love. You will not be afraid of anything when you are deeply seated in your being, your very true essence and nature. In this lack of fear you will find unconditional love welling inside you and it will naturally flow outside you. Any relationship you enter into from this state of being will be rich and full of love.
Actions don’t define anything. It is stupid to judge anyone on the basis of their actions. An unconscious person will behave unconsciously, through no fault of theirs. Why punish them for it? Your responsibility is not to judge others and their actions. Stop complaining about why no one loves you, rather look within yourself and see if you love yourself. If you don’t love yourself it is because you are living in the realm of your mind which is vomiting scripts it has learnt from your childhood, from sources such as your parents, friends, teachers, society, media and others. These scripts are completely useless and they cannot serve you in any way. Transcend them by being conscious of them. Observe these scripts running in your life and be acutely aware of them. Don’t try to analyze them, but be aware of them. Your awareness will burn your conditioning and you will transcend your mind. What remains once you transcend your mind is pure awareness. This is your most natural state. Nothing can ever harm you when you are in this state and you will feel no fear. This state of pure awareness becomes the foundation of a loving relationship.
